How to Khaosan Like a Basic Bitch

This one is for all the lipgloss-popping, hair-braided, totally-wasted-last-night basic bitches!

Remember, this is all about trying to “find yourself” and how better to do so than at the bottom of several 50 cent Thai beers. You may also find out that your best friend Lizzy is a holiday slut after 1 dollar 50.

It’s basically compulsory to take a selfie with a scorpion on a stick, don’t eat it, obvs! But if you do, its advisable to half spit it back out, but watch the hair – We only mess that up at 3am.

A Basic Bitch needs to embrace culture. Make heads turn whilst strutting half cut down the Khaosan runway in totally unique near-see-through elephant pants. You’re an adventurer, not a tourist. Nothing says this more than a bamboo tattoo. Don’t do it sober, that’s just silly. Your tattoo has to have a special meaning, maybe a Thailand elephant – Its traditional and it’ll make you look skinny. Or the traditional Thai ‘Sak-yant’ so all the boys know you’re blessed.

When it comes to boys, play hard to get – for each bro you sleep with, remember to reject at least one. Truly embrace your holiday romance with Jim from the boys hostel. You can rock, paper, scissors to see whose hostel you go back to. Then it’s just the ‘bring-back bunk-bed’ fee, but if you bought the condoms then Jim is paying the bunk-bed fee. Always keep it classy, use the bottom bunk. Double points if he has his own room!

The next morning can be totally awks, and this princess needs some pampering. Massages are cheap and they have free Wi-Fi so you can Snapchat your royal experience. They can work out all the knots from your runway strutting and that not-so-noble climb down from the top bunk.

If that doesn’t get your spirits up, and Jim has set off on his island-bound bus, come laugh away at The Comedy House Bangkok.

Jade Hughes

Resident Basic Bitch, The Comedy House Bangkok.

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